Grand-parenting: Exponential Joy

By Marlene Depler

My siblings and I were like a broken record. "How much further?" "Are we almost there?" I'm sure it nearly drove our parents crazy. When we finally turned down the dirt road that led to my grandparent's farm, I nearly burst with excitement. I knew Grandma would rush out the door to greet us with hugs and kisses, and Grandpa wouldn't be far behind.

Even though I was the eleventh in a string of seventeen grandchildren, I still sensed Grandma's delight and love for me as an individual. Her house provided a wealth of memories: eating her homemade dill pickles as fast as she cut them into spears, sitting outside on hot summer evenings with a bowl of homemade ice cream, and listening to her recite a poem or sing a hymn. Almost daily she made hot fresh biscuits for breakfast. Grandpa always teased her about the biscuits being flat.

"Elsie Lorene, it looks like a cow stepped on these biscuits," he would say as he devoured yet another biscuit.

As the years unfolded, I married and had children, making my parents into grandparents. However, I never gave much thought to becoming a grandparent myself—that is until our son and his wife gave us the news. "We're expecting a baby in December!" Then it hit me. That means I'll be a grandmother!

The months flew by. Late one evening, we got the call. "It's a girl!" our son said.

The next day I met my granddaughter for the first time. Without warning, this tiny infant in a cradle stole my heart. She was MY granddaughter—which, of course, made me a grandma. I slipped comfortably into my role as a grandparent without a second thought.

Since that time we have welcomed five more babies into our hearts, three grandsons and two more granddaughters. The delight has never diminished. As I cuddle these precious bundles, I am awed again and again by the miracle of birth and life. According to Proverbs 17:6, "Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged…" (I like the "crowning glory" part, but don't call me "aged"!)

As grandparents we have the opportunity to bless our children's children. We can provide extra love, attention, acceptance, and FUN! As a parent, I was often consumed by the endless responsibilities, the constant care, and the daily decisions and discipline. I didn't always give each child the attention they needed. However, as a grandparent, I'm no longer as distracted the routine obligations of parenting. It's easier now to drop what I am doing and give my undivided attention to the grandchildren. It's more important to read books, make cookies, draw pictures, fly paper airplanes, eat Popsicles on the porch swing, or play Candyland than it is to dust, pull weeds, or fold laundry. Once the grandchildren leave, the chores can be done.

It is important for grandparents to respect the rules and values of the parents. I’m generally mindful of this, but I'll admit that occasionally I have indulged them with a few more sweets than the parents would probably approve of. One such time, I made something similar to marshmallow treats, only this recipe called for Fruit Loops instead of the typical rice cereal. I'm quite sure that I would never have considered making this recipe for my own children. Nevertheless, the bright colors made for visually appealing treats. I invited the two oldest grandchildren over to eat them.

Later as they were stuffing their faces with gooey treats, my granddaughter repeated what her mom had told her, "It's Nana's job to spoil us, but it's Mommy's job to keep us healthy." I may have to exercise some restraint when it comes to giving them goodies, but I doubt that my love and attention will ever do them any harm. Children need all the stability they can get in this unsettled world.

It is a joy and privilege to invest in the lives of my grandchildren, to delight in their presence, to augment their learning, and to pray for them. Hopefully, I will be a model of active faith for them like my grandmother was for me.

As I look back over my childhood, I realize that my grandmother made a huge impact on me. Her eyes always lit up with delight whenever she saw me. I never doubted that she loved me and thought I was special. Her legacy to me was one of family and faith.

May my grandchildren experience that same delight. May they never doubt my love. It is my desire that my grandmother's legacy continue to flow into the lives of her great-great grandchildren through me.

8 of the Best Gifts any Grandparent Can Give:
1. Pray for each grandchild without ceasing.
2. Model your faith in God.
3. Acknowledge their presence with delight.
4. Listen at eye level.
5. Spend time with them and make them a priority.
6. Accept each grandchild's unique personality and individual strengths.
7. Let them share in activities you enjoy, and allow them to work alongside of you when possible.
8. Laugh with them.

(c) Marlene Depler (Reprint in only form only with permission of author.)

Winter Continues

We had more snow on Sunday, and the weather forecast says more this next weekend. Wow! This is unusual. I'm ready for spring.

Today I thought I would share a poem I wrote a few years ago about winter arriving.

Winter Arrives

By Marlene Depler



Days grow short and nights grow long.
Gone away—the meadowlark's song.
Out my window, I observe the day.
Snow feathers cascade from skies of gray.

Mountain peaks wear white stocking caps
to keep their ears warm—perhaps.
Bare-branched trees shiver in their boots.
Children frolic in colorful snowsuits.

Earth dances in her gown of white.
The pond clutches a cloak of ice.
Finches huddle in evergreen tree.
As for me, I sip a second cup of tea!

(c) Marlene Depler (Use only with permission. To reprint in any form contact author.)

"Nana Duty"

My blog posting has been set aside because I have been watching three of my grandchildren for the past week. (Mom and Dad will be home Sunday from training in Florida.) The munchkins that fill these three pairs of "Crocs" have been occupying every minute of each day. I continually wipe noses and clean up messes. I dispense hugs and kisses. I wash hands dozens of times a day. It seems like I am always serving up something to nourish little bodies and filling cups with juice and milk. Somehow we manage to get in a little home school and play games. By the time bathtime comes, I'm more exhausted than they are.

This has taken me back to the days when my three children were little. Looking back I wonder how I did it! Of course I was thirty years younger!

Rachel (age 4) loves to sing, and she is such a chatter box. One morning she was trying to convince me to get out of bed. She said, "Open your eyes, Nana. Get out of bed. You're going to miss the day!"

Another day, she crawled up on my lap and said, "I'm glad God gave you me as your grandgirl."

Then Jake (age 2) always says, "Gammaw, hold you!"

He also loves to tease.

Brent (age 6) is full of questions. He wants to know how everything works. I try to give him good answers, but sometimes I am stumped. One day he was helping vacuum the stairs with the central vacuum. He wanted to know where the dirt went. So I took him out in the garage to show him the canister of dirt.

Right now he has been asking me how the mini-blind at the window goes up and down. Every few minutes I stop to answer a question, so forgive me if what I am writing doesn't make sense. He is such a curious little guy.

This week I have been often transported back to the days when my three children were little. Looking back I wonder how I did it! Of course I was thirty years younger!

Young children bring such joy and delight AND such exhaustion and frustration. To all you moms out there who invest so much in the lives of their children, I salute you! May God sustain you with supernatural energy and love.

Recycled Christmas Cards!

My daughter-in-law suggested cutting up Christmas cards to make gift tags for next years packages. Here are some of the ones I cut out this morning. I will store them with my wrapping paper to use next Christmas.

Just cut up cards, making sure there is no writing on the back. The tags can either be taped on packages or use a hole punch in the corner and tie them on with ribbon.

Prayer for the New Year

By Marlene Depler

(I wrote this last year, but it still applies for this coming year as well!)

Dear Heavenly Father,

A year of glorious days stretches out before me. I am filled with anticipation and a twinge of apprehension about the uncertain adventure ahead. Nevertheless, I am choosing to walk in faith.

As each day unfolds, may I become more and more the woman you have intended me to be. Live in me and through me. May I do your bidding.

Still my thoughts and my hands long enough to hear your voice and to find rest for my often weary soul. Meet me in the deep places of my heart. Hear my heart cries when words won’t form.

Let your love penetrate every fiber of my being. Bring hope, courage, and healing. What I receive freely from your hand, let me in turn give freely to others.

Teach me your ways. Give me an undivided heart. Reveal and transform my misconceptions and distorted perceptions with the light of truth.

May I always delight in the wonders of your creation and the little blessings of each day. And when the sun sets on the final day of the year, may I rejoice in your continued faithfulness.


AMEN!
(c) Marlene Depler (reprint in any form only with permission)

Open Hands, Open Heart

By Marlene Depler

Open heart, open hands,
I receive God's lavish gifts---
love, grace, forgiveness,
provisions for body and spirit.

Open heart, open hands,
let me give a smile to the lonely,
kind words to the discouraged,
a loaf of bread to the hungry.

Oh, that my actions
will light a path to the cross
where God will again pour out blessing
into an open heart and open hands.

(c) Marlene Depler (reprint in any form only with permission)

White Christmas a Bit Early

What a snow storm! Over two feet of snow! Most businesses were closed today. A good day to stay inside and play games. The grandchildren did venture out for some fun in the snow while the men cleared snow.

White Chocolate Christmas Party Mix

1 package (10 oz.) mini pretzels

5 cups Cheerios

5 cups Corn Chex

2 cups salted peanuts

1 pound Christmas M & M's

2 packages (12 oz. each) vanilla (white chocolate) chips

3 Tablespoons vegetable oil

Combine first five ingredients in a very large bowl. Melt chips and oil in microwave: medium powere for two to three minutes, stirring once, then 10 seconds on high power. Stir until smooth. Pour over dry mixture and mix well with a large spoon, being careful not to crush the mix. Spread on waxed paper. Cool and store in airtight containers. For gifts, scoop into cellophone bags, use a "twistie" tie and then add a colorful ribbon.

This is yummy! Just the right blend of salty and sweet! I made two big batches yesterday. They are ready to give to neighbors and friends.

The Weather Outside........Burrrrrrrrrr!

We have entered the "deep freeze" in Colorado! A warm coat is a must! This is my littlest angel in her cozy coat.

All I Want for Christmas: Less Stress, More Joy

By Marlene Depler

My "want list" has always been quite simple. For just one day, all I want is no financial stress, no time pressure, no physical exhaustion or illness, no
loneliness, and no sadness.

For just one day, all I want is to give the perfect gift to each of my family and friends—beautifully wrapped, of course.

For just one day, all I want is for my house to be decorated like the photographs in House Beautiful and a fabulous dinner straight off the pages of Bon Appetit.

For just one day, all I want is for everyone to just get along—no tempers, no pouting, no whining, no controlling, no insensitivity, and no arguing.

For just this one day, all I want is smiling faces near a glowing fire
with snow falling gently outside the window—my own Hallmark moment.

I guess you could say that all I want for Christmas is
perfection. Is that too much to expect? After all, it's Christmas!

For years I was caught up in what a friend calls "irrational holiday hype." I believed that if I worked hard enough and fast enough, I could capture the perfect holiday. My fictitious presumptions and absurd expectations always left me frustrated, disappointed, and exhausted. By December 26, my spirit was worn and threadbare. I felt guilty because I hadn't enjoyed the holidays more. I expected far too much from one day out of the year. Little by little, I am discarding my unreasonable pursuit of Christmas perfection.

Why is it that we outgrow our belief in Santa Claus, yet often cling to the myth of a magical, perfect Christmas? Christmas perfection exists only in our imaginations, in movies, or on the pages of glossy magazines with their skilled marketing departments. Nevertheless, many of us have adopted the faulty perception of this romanticized, glamorized, commercialized Christmas. Here are seven ways to reduce holiday stress and increase our Christmas joy:

RELEASE unrealistic expectations and rediscover what you really love about Christmas.
How many different kinds of cookies and candies must we make? Does every room have to be decorated? Must we attend every holiday function? Is it really necessary to send out Christmas cards or write holiday letters every year? Is there a better way to stay in touch? If we choose to cling to our unrealistic expectations we can expect to feel frustrated and disappointed over and over again. Wouldn’t it be better to do less and enjoy what we choose to do more? Let’s rediscover what we love about Christmas and release the rest.

EVALUATE current resources (time, money, and energy) and establish your limits.
Everyone has a limited supply of time, money, and energy, which often varies from year to year, based on current circumstances. Honoring our limits isn't about deprivation. It's about liberation! Our schedules must be realistic and sane. Is it wise to go in debt for Christmas? What do we want to model for our children? Often we persist in attempting to buy happiness and relationships with gifts we shouldn't buy or can't afford. Crazed spending and an irrational flurry of unending activities only leave us empty, exhausted, disappointed, and perhaps even depressed.

ENJOY the simple things—the small, often overlooked ordinary moments.
Some of the most wonderful holiday blessings aren’t written on our calendars or wrapped under the tree. Many joys are found in the unexpected, unplanned moments that happen along the way—that is if we aren't too stressed to notice. A phone call to a family member that we haven't seen in a long time. Popping corn and playing games on the floor with the kids. A cup of coffee with a friend. Watching birds feast at the feeder. Taking a walk in the crunching snow. If we are alert, many ordinary moments and small blessings can fill our hearts with joy.

OBSERVE and honor your own personal need for rest and renewal.
In the midst of an impossible to-do list, we often ignore our own need for rest and renewal. Frayed nerves and short fuses are sure signs that we aren't honoring our own needs. When holidays leave us exhausted, something is wrong. It's important to replenish ourselves along the way. Seek out small doses of healthy self-care to renew your body and soul..

INITIATE change with care.
Change can be positive when we carefully consider our options in advance. It’s important to include other immediate family members as we sift and sort family traditions and expectations. A little wisdom will help us to avoid knee-jerk reactions.

CONSIDER options for handling difficult people and situations.
We long for relationships that are loving and peaceful. Yet Christmas has a way of bringing up any unresolved issues with family members. What we have ignored all year long suddenly resurfaces. Whatever our relationship problems, they won't magically disappear just because the calendar says December 25. It is important to take a long-term view of our relationships rather than hoping for a quick fix for the holidays. Past behaviors are a good indicator of future behaviors. With that in mind, we can prepare ahead of time our response toward hurtful, immature, or difficult people in our families. We may need to address an issue with someone BEFORE holidays. We may need to set a boundary around a particular situation. Remember we cannot change others, but we can change ourselves and the way in which we handle situations. Act instead of reacting.

EMBRACE meaningful traditions; eliminate burdensome or meaningless traditions.
Family traditions have the potential to give rhythm, continuity, and stability to our lives if they are indeed meaningful. However, traditions that are no longer important to us need to be eliminated. For many, changing holiday traditions can be painful and guilt inducing. Yet if we persist in making wise choices for our families and ourselves, our choices have the potential to bring healing and freedom. It's OK to allow traditions to evolve over time.

Christmas won’t be perfect at my house this year. And I’m guessing it won't be perfect at your house either. Nevertheless, Christmas remains a wonderful season to spend time with those we cherish and to reflect on God's gift of his Son. Let's exchange our crazy-making, mindless madness for something less stressful this year. As we release our misconception of a perfect holiday, we just might experience more joy.

Do less, expect less, and enjoy it more.

Copyright Marlene Depler (reprint in any form only with permission)

The Grace of Gratitude

By Marlene Depler

Thou who hast given us so much,
mercifully grant us one more thing—
a grateful heart.

-George Herbert

"Count your blessings."

"Look on the bright side."

"Cheer up! Be thankful. It could be worse."

As a child, I heard responses like these from many adults in my life. I'm guessing that these comments were an attempt to make me feel better. But that wasn't what happened. Instead, my feelings of sadness, disappointment, or frustration felt negated. Even though there was an element of truth in what was said, this type of response only caused me to feel diminished and dismissed. It didn't seem to matter that a teacher had been unfair or that I wasn't invited to the slumber party. Whatever my difficulty, struggle, challenge, or pain, it seemed unimportant. My feelings were brushed aside and minimized. I learned to bury them. Eventually, I became the one who chided myself with the same kind of responses whenever I encountered anything that adversely affected me.

In my late thirties, I slowly learned to stop pretending and denying my current struggles and past hurts. I began to validate my own experience and feelings. If someone hurt me with harsh words or if I experienced disappointment or difficulty, I no longer tried to brush it off. In this place of honesty, sometimes I felt like a first-class whiner. Fortunately for me, I had a few patient listeners.

I needed this season to learn that it was okay to be honest about the reality of my experience and to learn not to minimize my pain. However, over time, I concluded that this honesty could comfortably co-exist with gratitude. So I made a choice to incorporate gratitude into my life, not because of someone else's "guilting" remarks, but because I saw the personal value of it.

The intermingling of both has given me a greater equilibrium—a more balanced perspective. All of life is not bad, and neither is it all good. Life is much like my rose garden. The roses are beautiful in color and their sweet fragrance permeates the summer breeze. Yet these same roses have sharp thorns that have often brought me pain. I accept both.

At first I attempted to keep a gratitude journal as suggested in the book Simple Abundance. For a litany of reasons, I was inconsistent at best. Then I decided on a plan that worked for me. Each night in the quiet darkness just before falling asleep, I recount anything about the day that I found pleasant or enjoyable, anything for which I could be thankful. As I recite in silence a list of things both great and small for which I feel grateful, I am reminded that life itself is a gift.

Last night I thanked God for a pleasant lunch with a friend, my evening walk in the freshness of spring, my unexpected gift for my new office, and the valuable information that I learned from my writing mentor. Before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep with a heart filled with gratitude.

I would be the first to admit that there are days when it is much more difficult to find things for which to be grateful. On those days I’m thankful for things like indoor plumbing, the end of the day, my bed, and soft flannel sheets as I pull them over my head.

As unlikely as it may seem, I even found reason to be thankful in the midst of great pain. When my mother slipped away unexpectedly from this life. In my sadness, I could thank God that she didn't have to experience prolonged suffering—that she didn't know she had breast cancer. (The test results from the biopsy came back the day she died.) The kind and capable nurses were another reason for which I felt immense gratitude. I was also grateful I arrived before she died, and that I was able to be at her side when she drew her last breath. In my anguish, God gave me many things for which I could say thank you. I did not use my gratefulness to minimize my pain. Rather I used it as a rudder with which to navigate through the pain.

A few years ago, I received a newsletter in the mailbox. The front-page article was about the physical health benefits of gratitude. (And for that article, I am grateful!) Dr. Christiane Northrup states that feeling thankful for as little as 15-20 seconds causes many physiological benefits, such as a decrease in stress hormones which enhances the immune system, the oxygen level in the tissues increases as breathing becomes deeper, and the coronary arteries relax which increases the blood supply to the heart. Northrup concludes, "No matter what's going on in the world, the economy, or the news, you have the power within you to create the biochemistry of gratitude right now."[1] I had no idea that gratitude was good for my health!

I won't be presumptuous and tell you that you SHOULD count your blessings. Rather I hope that by sharing my story a seed of possibility will be sown for you. Consider a "gratitude journal" to record the things that have brought you blessing or joy today. Or choose something else that fits your personality. Perhaps you may first need to explore the roots of your unhappiness or depression before you can genuinely move toward thankfulness. It's your journey. Proceed at your own pace.

As for me, I have come to believe that gratitude has the power to change me, so I will continue to nudge myself to practice this graceful attitude while still honestly acknowledging the reality of my daily difficulties. I desire to appreciate and say “thank you” for all that is good in my life. Yet I will also acknowledge the sad and the bad. A grateful heart—my heart's desire.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more. [2]
-Melody Beattie

Copyright by Marlene Depler

To reprint in any format, by permission only

[1] Christiane Northrup, M.D., "Cultivating Gratitude," A Grain of Salt, Spring 2002, Happiness Press, Asheville, NC.
[2] Melody Beattie, The Language Of Letting Go, (New York: Harper/Hazelden Books, 1990), p. 218.

Fall Decorations

I am enjoying the fall decorations that so many have displayed on their front doors and porches. I took these photos out on a walk a few days ago. The last photo is the wreath on my front door. Can you believe that next week will be Thanksgiving?!?!

Image of Bible cover

Ok! I finally figured it out! Sometimes my gray matter works rather slowly. I took a photo of my copy of the Bible and downloaded it! Here is the front cover of the Women's Devotional Bible that I told you about in the post below.

New Women's Devotional Bible

Zondervan has just released a new Women's Devotional Bible. I wrote some of the devotions for this project, so I wanted to share this news with you. I had hoped to add a picture of the cover, but I haven't been able to used the scanned image that I have. SORRY! The cover is squares of green with a coffee cup on the front of it. Here is a link where you can view the Bible and even download sample devotions:

http://www.zondervan.com/Cultures/en-US/Product/Bible/About+Devotional+Bibles.htm?QueryStringSite=Zondervan

Perhaps this would make a good Christmas gift for someone on your list---or for yourself.

My oldest daughter and family have now gone to Minnesota/South Dakota to visit with her husband's family. They will return for Christmas. (I promised the grandchildren that I would have stockings hung for them when they returned!)Maybe I will be more regular in making posts over the next several weeks.

Blessings to all!
Marlene Depler

Fun Times

Happy baby!

Getting in on the fun!

Four grandkids---camping IN!

In the Leaves and Loving it!

Five darlings feeding their faces!

Snapshots of life

Purple Autumn Ash in all its fall glory! (Taken in our front yard.)



Littlest angel!




Sweet granddaughter smelling fragrant rose!

Two grandsons on the move!



A fall sunrise in all its splendor! (Taken behind our home yesterday.)

To Everything A Season: A Time to Plant and a Time to Harvest

Today I'm guessing that I gathered my last harvest for this season. The nights are definitely getting cooler. Tonight—maybe our first frost.

In some ways I hate to say good-bye to summer with its long hours of sunshine and green-leafed trees. I’ll miss the profusion of brilliant flowers—pink zinnias, yellow marigolds, purple clematis, assorted roses, and more. The fresh tomatoes and juicy watermelons...I’ll miss those, too. And I will really miss wearing sandals and light-weight summer clothes.

And yet there is a part of me that is tired from my summer labors: the watering, weeding, pruning. Yes, a part of me is ready for fall. Ready for what comes next. Especially, when what comes next is a visit from my daughter, Paula, along with her husband and three precious children. (They have been living in Bosnia for the past year and a half.)

I haven’t seen them in about a year. The last time we saw Jacob, he wasn’t even walking. Now he is almost two. He was only seven months old when they left. He won’t remember Nana and Papa’s house. Guess we will have to give him something new to remember! Rachel will turn four next month. And Brent is nearing six.

I can’t wait to scoop up my “babies” and smother them with hugs and kisses. The cupboards are filled with special snacks. New jackets and a fall outfit are laying out for each of them. The toys are ready. The books are arranged where they can be reached by little people.

It will be wonderful to have time with Paula and Jason as well—to catch up on their adventures. And Paula and I definitely need some mother-daughter time!

It will be great to have all of our children and grandchildren for meals and family fun. We have several things on the calendar: a day in the mountains, a trip to Chuck E. Cheese (pizza), and our own fall festivities.

Laura will get to meet her cousins, aunt, and uncle for the first time. David will get to have extra special guests for his eighth birthday later this week. Alicia wants to teach Rachel how to make "button soup," something she always liked to do when she was younger.

Thus, as I say farewell to summer, I will say hello to family from afar.

When Day Is Done

When Day Is Done...

Shadows lenghten. The sun slips down behind the mountains. Soon a sliver of a moon slides out from behind the clouds. Day is done.

Sometimes I wish the day was longer, as there was more I intended to accomplish. No amount of fretting extends the hours in my days. Other days, I welcome nightfall. Pulling the soft sheets up over my weary body is a welcome thought. Tonight it is the latter. My work for today is done, and I will soon slumber.

Here is a poem I wrote:

"Nocturnal Bliss"
By Marlene Depler

Sleep---who can resist the summons
of nocturnal bliss? Pulled out on gentle tides
into a pool of dreams.

Sleep---welcome relief
from life's persistent problems.
Demands, decisions melt away
in this realm of the unconscious.

Sleep---a wondrous gift;
restoration for weary mind and body.
Sinking...floating...drifting...flying...
slumber beckons me away until morning.

(c) Marlene Depler

Tablecloths finished at last!

If you read my post a while back about all those yards and yards of fabric, I am happy to report that I have finished making two large table clothes---one for the table with one leaf and another one for when the table has two leaves. The remaining fabric is enough to make some cloth napkins.

My indoor and outdoor projects have distracted me from blogging. I will try to do better at making regular post for those four or five of you who are my fan club! Ha!

Note: Alice asked for a close-up of the fabric, so I added it to the post.

Sunset last night!